A kiss is the greatest form of affection that can numb you altogether. It can make you feel alive, calm you down while you are in a state of panic, or give you some form of jittery feelings. In a scenario of first-time kisses, it is mostly used as an “I want you” gesture. It is beautiful how a kiss that is pure without any sexual intent can make you feel. I once experienced this and I still consider this as one of my best kisses of time, not that the others were shitty or anything, but this one just stood out
I had just joined culinary school fresh from high school. And my mom was pretty much the ” stay away from boys” advocate and I couldn’t blame her, she was only doing her job as a parent. But I had other plans in mind. All my life I had heard the slogan,” study first, boys latter” and it honestly didn’t make sense at this point in my life. Why? I was eighteen, I had my ID and this fact made me feel that I could make any decision I damn well pleased, replications later or as we normally say “kesi baadaye”.
I joined college during the WhatsApp era. At this point in time, WhatsApp was the in thing all the cool kids used. You would find yourself in groups where you don’t know anyone and join the conversation. What a good way of meeting strangers, I was very shy back then and found it very convenient. That’s where I met the kisser, the kisser that sealed my lips with a kiss that awoke every part of me.
He slid into the DM. And the conversations were something to anticipate for. I would stay up all night talking to him and in my mornings it was all him. At some point, I got distracted in class just because I was talking to him. Was I in love? Is this how love felt?
I had never had a boyfriend before so I couldn’t quite tell if what I felt was real. But he made me feel alive. We had shared pictures and I liked how he looked. Tall, slim in body size, wore glasses like me (I always thought of us as the dorky couple) and he lived a few blocks from where I stayed. He was perfect. But I wouldn’t make my move because I was told the man is supposed to make all the moves, my work was just being pretty and make myself irresistible.
” Can you come over for a date over the weekend?” the text read.
I read it over and over again to let those words sink in. I would actually be going on a date for the first time.
“Yes! I would really love this.”I responded. This was on a Friday and I couldn’t wait for Sunday at noon to go see this man who had captured my heart with just words. Lol at the back of my mind I thought we would talk about books, movies, and music so I didn’t mind. A typical way of starting off our first date on a good note.
My best friend has always influenced most of the decisions I made. She is three years older than me and has played a great role in my life. So for this first date, I consulted her and she gave me guidance. Being my first date I wouldn’t want to ruin it, I wanted everything to go as I expected. We would watch a movie, eat the food he prepared, talk about books and music then he would walk me home. Plus I trusted him enough to go to his house for this date, he was my friend. The main aim of the date was for us to meet physically.
“Breathe in! Breathe out! you’ve got this., “I told myself.
” Hello, could you please come to get me? I’m here at the bus stop like we agreed,” I said through the phone.
“Okay! I’m on my way,” he said.
I have this habit of pretending to scroll through my phone as I am waiting to meet someone but secretly look around to see if I can spot them. Why? Because my face lights up with so much joy when I see them and I find it sort of embarrassing. Like seriously, I can have a banana plastered smile on my face just to see my friends, even though it’s the third time imI’meeting you in a row.
I think he noticed I was a bit shy so immediately after he hugged me, he held my hand as we walked. That calmed my nerves a little and I got a bit comfortable. I liked his laughter and without his glasses, he had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen to date, milky big white eyes and once you looked inside them you felt safe. We watched some movies then we drifted and just began talking. I played my head on his thighs and he caressed my hair. This was the most beautiful feeling. It was such an innocent gesture of affection and I loved how I felt at that moment.
He asked me to take my glasses off and close my eyes because he wanted to see my eyeshadow clearly. I had some deep purple eyeshadow that I really loved. My hand in his hand, I felt him bend his neck and he planted a kiss on my lips. At this moment there were flames of love and ecstasy and my stomach suddenly became hot. Nothing else mattered, just him and I, we could take over the world now. In a wave of emotions, I opened my mouth and kissed him back too. His lips were soft tasted like strawberries and I remember I wanted to feel him more and more. He gently caressed my cheek and as if sensing I wanted more, he didn’t stop, kept at it till we were both zapped back to reality.
“I know it’s not going to be easy….,” he said in a shaky voice. I could feel the nervousness, ” …but I want to be with you. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked
I sat upright and looked him in his eyes, “Yes I will be your girlfriend,” in another wave of emotion I pulled him nearer, and this time I kissed him more passionately.
As he walked me home that night, his hand in mine I felt like the only girl in the world, his only girl for the record.
What happened after the kiss? that’s a story for another day.
The month of November always brings me down. My past life haunts me and the memories of past pain during this month bring on anxiety. Although I have not fully healed from all the hurt, I am genuinely trying to move forward and become a better version of myself. It’s a bittersweet feeling because my birthday is also marked by the loss I have experienced. It’s not that I enjoy being unhappy, but I struggle with my birthday because my dad passed away on this day (may he rest in peace). My heart and mind are at odds with each other, with my heart wanting to mourn and my mind reminding me that he is in a better place now.
This November, I feel a sense of celebration within me. I want to turn my mourning into gratitude. Every time I faced challenges and walked alone, I know that He was with me. I want to celebrate the person I have become, the struggles and joys that brought me here, and the friends who supported me along the way (even if some of those relationships have ended).
By luck or fate I landed on your counter and when you said “hello” I was left in awe. We talked for a while, you even made me smile. As I walked back to my office, I couldn’t help but allow your voice to ring constantly in my head, your smile, your eyes… everything about you was perfect. I thought I was the only one playing this game till one night after I got home I got a call. Guess who, yes you, my man. Funny enough I didn’t care to know how you got my number. I was elated.
Falling in love doesn’t have to be scary and there is no formula of how you will fall in love. The beauty of love is that it happens in the most unexpected places with the most unexpected person. But when you meet them you will know it’s them, your heart will know.