Notes By Middii
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Relationships

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In Love

Musings

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As I looked deep into his eyes, they were distant and emotionless.
Gonne were the days when his eyes were full of admiration and love for me. In my disbelief, I repeatedly tried to convince myself that this was forever. He had poured out his love to me till it ran out. I knew deep down that these were signs of a shattering end. I couldn’t imagine a life without him, the apple of my eye.

As I drowned in his arms, his embrace was emotionless. He just held me as though it was a mandatory responsibility. The warmth that would make me feel loved was lost replaced with ice. The signs are evident, love no longer lives here, but my heart still holds on to you.

Every day you would engage me in meaningless yet exciting conversations which would keep us up through the night. Your smile was like a sudden beam of sunlight illuminating the darkest corners of the room, but a frown has replaced the vibrant smile that made me feel alive. Lately, silence seems to be the only conversation between us, head nods and phone tones make us aware of the presence of each other.

The burning desire that would make you touch my clothes like pages you wanted to turn and drown into a world of endless ecstasy is a distant memory. I crave your mouth and desire to eat your skin like a whole almond. So fierce is the desire to align and entwin our mouths, a raging forest fire.

Maybe, it’s time to say goodbye.

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In Life

Twenty-Turn.

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She finds it hard to trust again because the bitter taste of betrayal lingers in her mind. Anxiety caused by abandonment in her time of need makes her dwell in the dark spaces of life. Some days, her best days, a fake smile will form on her face to take her through the day. The raging thoughts within her are so loud and cause multiple anxiety attacks.

Harrowing memories flood her mind whenever she shuts her eyes. Images of pointing fingers laughing at her lingers from a distance bringing restlessness to her poor soul. Everyone around her expected perfection from her without consideration. The underlying presumptions about her reduced her life to somewhat meaningless and less worthwhile.

She identified with lies spoken about her with no one to defend her reputation. Who could have dared stand up and face her accusers on her behalf?. What could she say or do to prove that she wasn’t these lies? What could she do to receive the necessary love to keep her going? Every day was a nightmare on its own. She craved peace, joy and most importantly, eternal love.

Every day she breaths in dust and exhales smoke, which causes her to cough out blood, threatening her very own existence. She doesn’t know the difference and beauty of smoking free air. Fear and timidity have been her closest companion. She is perceived as uptight because her guard is up and ready for confrontation and rejection.

Her scars grow deeper with no one to hold her breaking soul and encourage her to try again. Did life come with a manual that her caregiver forgot to hand over?. Oh, how she wishes she had someone to tell her when this misery would end. Nothing ever made sense to her, broken beyond repair. The tears she cried every day did not give her solace anymore.

She had heard of a gift called salvation which she was to be purchased by pure gold. Who would have thought that the gift of salvation and happiness would ever knock at her doorstep?. Sorrow had become a constant companion, she welcomed her to make a home in her heart and soul. Twenty years under the sun, would salvation save her?.

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